Today’s Lesson: Don’t Steal It, If You Can’t Drive It

By Warner Todd Huston, 6-15-17, at Breitbart:

In this photo taken Thursday, Sept. 4, 2014, Marlo Dewing places her hand on the stick shift of the manual transmission of her 2012 Volkswagen GTI in Sacramento, Calif. Dewing prefers to drive a car with a manual transmission, and when she went shopping to replace her 22-year-old Mazda Miata, she had very few models to chose from. Only around 10 percent of vehicles made in North American now have manual transmissions, down from 35 percent in 1980. Dewing finally purchased the GTI that has a six-speed manual transmission. (AP Photo/Rich Pedroncelli)

A car thief in Birmingham, Alabama, who led police on a slow-speed chase, later admitted that he never got past 30-miles-per-hour because he could not figure out how to use a manual transmission.

Jefferson County Chief Deputy Randy Christian told that the chase lasted 16 miles and only stopped when the transmission of the stolen vehicle finally conked out.

Police engaged in the slow-speed chase after reports came in that Randy Dewayne Vert had stolen a Kenworth T-300 flatbed delivery truck.

Officers arrested the 29-year-old Pinson resident, who now faces a list of charges, including resisting arrest and fleeing a police officer.

Vert was also charged with first-degree theft of property and reckless endangerment. He remains in the Jefferson County Jail with bonds amounting to $5,900.

Chief Deputy Christian joked that he was glad Vert could not figure out how to use the truck’s stick shift. “Thank God he couldn’t find second gear, the pursuit could have gotten all the way up to 35 mph,” the officer said.


At such a slow speed, the police could have easily cut him off at any time during the ‘chase’, but they were probably laughing too hard, wondering where this was going. Although the owner of the truck probably wishes they’d stopped him before Vert blew up his transmission.


Categories: Humor & Satire

Tags: ,

3 replies

  1. Look up criminals too stupid to live. This fits the bill!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. That’s too funny, Kathy!

    If he has any brain cells at all he’ll embellish the story when he gets to jail.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. At least he didn’t wreck it like the non-drybacks that stole my wife’s truck did.

    It is, however, a diesel and an automatic.

    Liked by 1 person

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