With progressives in this nation on a sacrificial mission to make the grand tradition of protest completely silly and irrelevant, I urge you to join the cause! Whether you’re a lawyer, a journalist, a college professor, a government hack, a union slacker, a climate change activist, an overpaid actor, a professional protester, or – most importantly – a politician, PLEASE support this critical mission and take a day off en masse. That’ll show us!
I assure you that my reasons for encouraging you to support the latest craze of national protest are not purely selfish. I am thinking not just of myself, but of a nation that could desperately use a day without the filing of thousands of frivolous lawsuits, without the fake news, without the spread of anti-American propaganda at our universities, without the meddling of government bureaucrats into every aspect of our lives, without union slackers lowering productivity, without professional protesters clogging our streets, without being misinformed and bullied over the weather, and best of all, without the busy bees of congress scheming to deprive us of our liberty. We’ve never experienced such luxuries. Oh please, please, please, please, please!
Just in case you wouldn’t know what to do with yourselves on your day off, I have a few suggestions:
Lawyers: Read the bible.
Journalists: Take an ethics class.
College Professors: Read “The Road to Serfdom” by Friedrich von Hayek.
Government Hacks: Get to know your neighbors. They pay your salaries.
Union Slackers: You can keep slacking, just do it at home.
Climate Change Activists: Go preach your sermons to the limousine liberals in Hollywood and D.C.
Actors and Actresses: Roll up your red carpets and spend the day acting as though the world does not revolve around you.
Professional Protesters: Get a real job.
Democrats in Congress: Read the Constitution and your oath of office. Then read it again.
Let us rejoice in the prospect of a day without liberals, when the halls of the Left’s fake “news” machines lay still in peaceful silence, and the universities focus on teaching worthwhile subjects while actually allowing freedom of thought and speech. Bask in the cleaner air and reduced congestion on our streets and in our skies when progressives accidentally practice what they preach by staying home. Republicans, spend the day doing what you can to restore the Founders’ Constitution, before the tentacles of tyranny return from their day of protest having sufficiently punished us.
Sigh. A day without liberals is like a day with sunshine.