Democrats employ witches to curse President Trump [satire]

witches

With the leftist democrats in full demented mode, they’ve called on their underworld allies to give them some supernatural assistance. They’ve implored the Amalgamated Malevolent Brotherhood of Occult Practices (AMBOP – the witches and warlocks union) to intercede and bring misfortune to President Donald Trump.

It’s become apparent that protesting, complaining, wailing, gnashing teeth, etc. weren’t getting results, so the democrat “leadership” is resorting to unusual methods to stop the Orange Juggernaut.

At the risk of being turned into a toad, Pesky Truth’s intrepid undercover reporter, Sal Monella infiltrated the union and has learned of a democrat plan to employ practitioners of the black arts to cast spells to stop the advance of the Trumpistas, who, if their progress continues unabated, will crush the democrats into toe cheese and render them impotent.

Mr. Monella has learned that in exchange for their help, witches and warlocks will become the next protected minority. The democrats have promised to pass legislation to outlaw the persecution of occult practitioners. They’ll provide broom lanes on streets and ban ridicule of long black robes and pointy hats and even require separate restrooms for those who prefer to levitate over the porcelain convenience.

The dems promise to force drugstores and pharmacies to stock necessary ingredients like eye of newt and toe of frog, wool of bat and tongue of dog, adder’s fork and blind-worm’s sting, lizard’s leg and owlet’s wing and other ubiquitous products. Of course, these items will only be available to a purchaser with a medical conjurer’s prescription.

Ignoring warnings, our reporter managed to sneak into one of the AMBOP warm-up sessions. Held at midnight, under a full moon, and in the deepest and darkest bowels of an anal suppository warehouse, Sal witnessed numerous witches (representing local #233) dancing and cavorting around a large, black cauldron. They chanted and tossed things into the boiling pot. But Sal was prepared. Queue (Pesky Truth’s Chief Scientist) had armed him with a counter-spell, one that would render the democrat witch’s incantation ineffectual, much like Hillary’s campaign.

Double, double, Trump and trouble; fire burn and cauldron bubble

Media’s poison like a snake, in the cauldron boil and bake

News as nightmares, fake; untrue, in the cauldron boil and brew

Slime of Clinton, leftist worm, in the cauldron boil and burn

The protest wails get dimmer, in the cauldron boil and simmer

The spell is cast; it’s democrat’s trouble, into the cauldron, boil and bubble

He won, she failed, yet they still bitch, a pox on her, the worthless witch

And so dear reader, we are pleased to report that Sal Monella returned from his undercover assignment and filed this story. It’s exclusive to PT and you won’t likely hear it anywhere else. Mr. Monella will get a promotion and a raise as soon as he can stop hopping around, croaking and those nasty warts go away.

Garnet92.



Categories: Humor & Satire

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7 replies

  1. Ha!

    Looks like they borrowed Michael Moore’s soup bowl to use as a cauldron. 🙂

    Like

  2. Im an independant voter. I will never vote dem again! Im disgusted watching their behavior. Its totally embarrassing. Unamerican ,immoral,unhinged hypocrites!!!!

    Like

    • Welcome to PT, shirley! Most of us here consider ourselves as independents – we vote Republican simply because voting democrat (e.g., Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton, etc.) is UNTHINKABLE! I suspect that the petulant child behavior of the dems since Trump won will turn off a lot of others that might have considered voting democrat – they’re bringing it on themselves.

      Like

  3. Another great story, Garnet, it’s good to see you’ve still got the touch! And huge kudos to Sal for his diligent hard work – that had to a scary assignment.

    It’s uncanny how close to the truth your story is – get a load of this post at Breitbart yesterday.

    http://www.breitbart.com/big-government/2017/02/24/witches-unite-cast-binding-spell-trump-followers/?utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=social

    Like

  4. Gee I thought they were protected already

    Like

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