With the leftist democrats in full demented mode, they’ve called on their underworld allies to give them some supernatural assistance. They’ve implored the Amalgamated Malevolent Brotherhood of Occult Practices (AMBOP – the witches and warlocks union) to intercede and bring misfortune to President Donald Trump.
It’s become apparent that protesting, complaining, wailing, gnashing teeth, etc. weren’t getting results, so the democrat “leadership” is resorting to unusual methods to stop the Orange Juggernaut.
At the risk of being turned into a toad, Pesky Truth’s intrepid undercover reporter, Sal Monella infiltrated the union and has learned of a democrat plan to employ practitioners of the black arts to cast spells to stop the advance of the Trumpistas, who, if their progress continues unabated, will crush the democrats into toe cheese and render them impotent.
Mr. Monella has learned that in exchange for their help, witches and warlocks will become the next protected minority. The democrats have promised to pass legislation to outlaw the persecution of occult practitioners. They’ll provide broom lanes on streets and ban ridicule of long black robes and pointy hats and even require separate restrooms for those who prefer to levitate over the porcelain convenience.
The dems promise to force drugstores and pharmacies to stock necessary ingredients like eye of newt and toe of frog, wool of bat and tongue of dog, adder’s fork and blind-worm’s sting, lizard’s leg and owlet’s wing and other ubiquitous products. Of course, these items will only be available to a purchaser with a medical conjurer’s prescription.
Ignoring warnings, our reporter managed to sneak into one of the AMBOP warm-up sessions. Held at midnight, under a full moon, and in the deepest and darkest bowels of an anal suppository warehouse, Sal witnessed numerous witches (representing local #233) dancing and cavorting around a large, black cauldron. They chanted and tossed things into the boiling pot. But Sal was prepared. Queue (Pesky Truth’s Chief Scientist) had armed him with a counter-spell, one that would render the democrat witch’s incantation ineffectual, much like Hillary’s campaign.
Double, double, Trump and trouble; fire burn and cauldron bubble
Media’s poison like a snake, in the cauldron boil and bake
News as nightmares, fake; untrue, in the cauldron boil and brew
Slime of Clinton, leftist worm, in the cauldron boil and burn
The protest wails get dimmer, in the cauldron boil and simmer
The spell is cast; it’s democrat’s trouble, into the cauldron, boil and bubble
He won, she failed, yet they still bitch, a pox on her, the worthless witch
And so dear reader, we are pleased to report that Sal Monella returned from his undercover assignment and filed this story. It’s exclusive to PT and you won’t likely hear it anywhere else. Mr. Monella will get a promotion and a raise as soon as he can stop hopping around, croaking and those nasty warts go away.
Categories: Humor & Satire