I used to be just a regular guy …

regular-guysm

But now …    

I was born white, which now, whether I like it or not, makes me a racist.

I am a fiscal and moral conservative, which by today’s standards, makes me a fascist.

I am heterosexual, which according to gay folks, now makes me a homophobe.

I am non-union, which makes me a traitor to the working class and an ally of big business.

I am a Christian, which now labels me as an infidel.

I believe in the 2nd Amendment, which now makes me a member of the vast gun lobby.

I am older than 70 and retired, which makes me a useless old man.

I think and I reason, therefore I doubt much that the main stream media tells me, which must make me a reactionary.

I am proud of my heritage and our inclusive American culture, which makes me a xenophobe.

I value my safety and that of my family and I appreciate the police and the legal system, which makes me a right-wing extremist.

I believe in hard work, fair play, and fair compensation according to each individual’s merits, which today makes me an anti-socialist.

I (and most of the folks I know), acquired a fair education without student loans (it’s called work) and no debt at graduation, which makes me some kind of an odd underachiever.

I believe in the defense and protection of the homeland for and by all citizens, which now makes me a militant.

Please help me come to terms with the new me… because I’m just not sure who I am anymore!  I would like to thank all my friends for sticking with me through these abrupt, new found changes in my life and my thinking!  I just can’t imagine or understand what’s happened to me so quickly!

Funny…it’s all just taken place over the last 7 or 8 years!  As if all this wasn’t enough to deal with…….

Now I’m afraid to go into either restroom!    

H/T to my friend John for sending me this!



Categories: Humor & Satire

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2 replies

  1. I know the author can’t be blaming the liberal Left for the onset of his identity crisis because we all know that liberals don’t believe in labeling people.

    Kudos to the author of this eloquent essay. If I may be so bold I would just suggest one minor change, which would be to change “anti-socialist” to “evil capitalist.” Otherwise it’s perfect.

    Like

  2. Just look at all those labels we can add to our resume. Gee, it’s no wonder we’re such deplorables.

    Like

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