TRUMP RALLY: HE HATES SPANISH FLIES TOO!
DP — 10 July, 2016
During a recent 2nd Amendment rally at or near the Tucson Convention Center, in Arizona, Donald Trump addressed an overflow crowd estimated by the Trump campaign at more than 25000 legally blind Americans including undocumented Democrats whom he believed were gun owners. The throng had gathered for an exposition sponsored by the Tucson Center for the Visually Impaired.
While it remains unclear whether or not any of the Crowd were actually gun owners, Mr. Trump, always the showman, arrived on-stage wearing a Texas Stetson — which he tossed like a Frisbe into the gathered crowd causing momentary commotion as participants attempted to ascertain what just happened — showing off his newly acquired .45 Cal. Gold plated S&W Custom Revolver, open-carry holstered — embossed leather with the TRUMP brand “T” — slung low to his right side. As the event proceeded, there seemed to be some format confusion regarding Mr. Trump’s speech, as a scuffle was taking place off stage between Trump security personnel and sponsors of the event.
Beginning his speech by Brandishing the weapon — apparently loaded with 6 gold plated hollow point rounds — Mr. Trump shouted enthusiastically to the somewhat confused crowd “See this this gun? It’s blind justice! Aahhnd, it doesn’t care if you’re rich, poor, black, white, Mexican or American, free or slave! I lovvve this gun! I love it!!! I love it so much that I sleep with it so I can kill the bad guys, and I’m very good at killing bad guys I can tell you that!” Intended as an applause line, except for a few polite claps, the multitude gathered remained mostly silent.
Trump: “aaahnd… the media, you know the media, they lie, lying lying lying media, aahnd so they lied, they said I said I could shoot someone dead in Manhattan in broad daylight, and they took that completely out of context by the way, aaahnd… (brief pause) there’s a fly”, (Mr. Trump begins swatting his left hand wildly, first at his own face then over the top of his comb-over and to each side of his head) as a fly persisted in diving, adjusting pitch and yaw, maneuvering around over and behind the candidate while avoiding contact… Mr. Trump screeched, clearly enraged, that “I really hate Flies, I hate flies, especially fxxxxng Spanish flies”!
The encounter continued for approximately 2 minutes, until the fly perched itself upon the top edge of the teleprompter. Mr. Trump said quietly to the now clearly dazed and confused congregation, “shhhh, quiet… the fly is right in front of me” He then raised his weapon, took careful aim and pulled the trigger just milliseconds too late to blow the pesky insect into oblivion. Screams of fear and horror pealed out from the audience as several blind participants each seated one row behind the first had been shredded by the 45 ACP 230 Grain Jacketed Hollow Point round… The fly escaped injury.
Familiar white and red “blind walking sticks” were flying through the auditorium like hundreds of giant straws, Mr. Trump attempted to calm the crowd – “no worries, just stay calm, the fly knows it’s over, he’s gone — back to Mexico” Trump then continued, “even if I meant to kill those people, aahhnd you’re great people, I have the the best people, you’ll still support me I can tell you that, you are very loyal”. Before finishing his point Security rushed Mr. Trump off stage left, ushered him out of the building into a waiting Sikorsky helicopter.
It is, as of this writing, unknown whether the billionaire has turned himself in to authorities. Soon after leaving the building Trump’s Boeing 757 could be seen lifting off into the Arizona Sunset. Organizers of the Tucson Center for the Visually Impaired event, had placed registered participation at about 500 attendees. A few hundred Trump Supporters not registered for the event, were kept outside and had gathered in the parking lot. The Trump campaign remains unavailable for comment. Number of dead unconfirmed.