A little levity during otherwise serious times

old_people_bird

Here are some truisms that fit us old folks, see if you agree …

 

My goal for 2016 was to lose just 10 pounds … only 15  to go …

 

Ate salad for dinner … well … it was mostly  croutons & tomatoes … OK, so it was really just  one big, round crouton covered with tomato sauce … and  cheese…
FINE, it  was a pizza… I ate a pizza …

 

How to  prepare Tofu:
1.  Throw it in the trash.
2.  Grill some meat.

 

I just did a week’s worth of cardio after walking into a spider web …

 

I don’t mean to brag but… I finished my 4-day diet food in 3 hours and  20 minutes …

 

A recent study has found women who carry a little extra weight live longer than men who mention it …

 

Kids today don’t know how easy they have it… when I was young, I had to walk 9 feet through shag carpet to change the TV channel…

 

Senility has been a smooth transition for me…

 

Remember back when we were kids and every time it was below zero out they closed school?…..  Me neither.

 

I may not be that funny or athletic or good looking or smart or talented … uhhh … I forgot where I was going with this …

 

I love being over 60 … I learn something new every day … and forget 5 others …

 

A thief broke into my house last night … He started  searching for money … so I woke up  and searched with him …

 

My dentist told me I needed a Crown … I said, “You bet, pour mine over rocks” …

 

I think I’ll just put an “Out of Order” sticker on my forehead and call it a day …

 

“Just  remember, once you’re over the hill you begin to pick up speed.”

H/T to my friend Rock for forwarding this to me.

Garnet92.



Categories: Humor & Satire

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19 replies

  1. How many had to adjust that antenna to get a better picture, only to be told to stay there and don’t move while the others could see the show?
    How many channels could you select from? We averaged 4, occasionally an extra Uhf station.
    And it was a dinner event to go a friend’s home who had color TV.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Ahhh, that does bring back the memories! Watching the first TV set among my neighbors – a round tube Zenith with a little rectangular picture in it. We had two semi-reliable channels and one snow-laden UHF and the big event was “rassling.”

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  2. Yep! The shag carpet one was my favorite! Gee, was it Avocado, or Harvest Gold?? I’ve forgotten! Who cares, right??

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    • I never thought about it before, but a color wheel was pretty simple back then, nothing but Avocado and Harvest Gold!

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    • Ours was orangy-red…. 🙂

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    • The best shag “carpet” I remember was a homemade kludge the band put down for our lead singer and his new bride.

      We started with some left over berber, “re-purposed” from an office remodel one of the guys was working at. That was to be base layer/padding. Then we went dumpster diving at local carpet retailers to “re-purpose” shag scraps left over from residential installations.

      Gold, avocado, red, burnt orange, beige, brown, royal blue, forest green, even some black and white, were all part of our collection. (Shag carpet was *the* thing in those days, so we had lots to choose from to fill our needs.)

      It only took a few hours, a half-gallon of contact cement, and a couple of cases of beer for us to assemble that 10 X 12 jigsaw puzzle on their living room floor.

      The only way to describe the effect, would be to harken back to a line uttered by Burt Reynolds in the movie “The End” (1978).

      Reynolds’s character, Sonny, was attempting suicide by swallowing a handful of pills he took from his parents’ medicine chest. When he tried to wash them down with what turned out to be spoiled milk, he spat the entire mess back onto the table, and observed, “It looks like Walt Disney threw up.”

      It was truly something to behold.

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  3. Huh…

    I got to this blank spot at the bottom of the page, and forgot what I was going to say…

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  4. LOL, good stuff and a nice break, Garnet. Being over 60 gets you a lot of eye rolls, too. You know how you tell one person something, and you try to remember that you need to tell another person the same thing? Except that you forget who you told it to and who you didn’t, so you end up telling it to the first person again and the other person still doesn’t know – they both do eye rolls. 😀

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  5. We definitely could use a little levity these days! These were great. Thanks!

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  6. The best part of being a grandparent is watching your children, who drove you to the brink of madness for two decades, age before your very eyes as they “deal” with their own kids. This is especially satisfying as the grandchildren enter their teens.
    Ask me how I know. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • I can dig it Salty! I’ve got a 17 year-old granddaughter and a 14 year-old grandson who are wreaking havoc on my daughter and son-in-law. It must be Karma.

      Liked by 2 people

    • Remember the TV program, ‘Maude”?
      It was a sitcom about a woman and her adult daughter.
      Maude said, about her daughter, “I hope I live long enough to be a burden on you!”
      Never forgot that. I’ve told my own daughter that!
      And my g-kids are 21, 18 and 16. You begin to grow very humble at this age. You realize you have become kind of irrelevant. But that frees you for other things!

      Liked by 1 person

      • Yeah, I remember “Maude,” I always disliked Bea Authur. But, you’re right that’s the old “what goes around, comes around” concept and it’s also Karmic justice as well! What ye sow, so shall ye reap, etc.

        Liked by 1 person

  7. Loved them! You’re right. We need time to laugh with all the ugliness and evil that surrounds us. Thanks, Garnet.

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