Prepare for the Apocalypse!

by Heather Wilhelm

img_5054“I’ll start off on a somber note, friends: The apocalypse may be closer than we think. How do I know? Well, thousands of years ago, back through the swirling dusts and mists of time, the most ancient of scrolls foretold it:

“When The Burnt Sienna Man in The Great Golden Tower is Right Twice In Two Days, Thou Shalt Look to the Heavens, Mortals, Past the Dog Star, For Thence the Meteor Comes, Swift and Merciless. Sad! “

In other words, this week, Donald J. Trump was completely on-target and salient regarding two entirely different topics. In a row.

  • “The latest instance came in a delightful Tuesday phone interview with “Fox and Friends,” in which concerned morning hosts informed The Donald that various “celebrities” had threatened to leave the country if he gets elected. For instance, HBO star, “feminist icon,” and basic insane person Lena Dunham has declared she will decamp for Vancouver if Trump takes the White House; noted grump and frequent Trump target Rosie O’Donnell also joined the list.“That would be a great thing for our country,” Trump said, enthusiastic, and he was absolutely right. “Now I have to get elected…Now it’s much more important. In fact, I’ll immediately get off this call and start campaigning right now.”

  • I can’t lie: This was kind of awesome, so please savor this, as it may be the only time in this entire campaign when I say something like this about Donald Trump.

    “But wait! There’s more. On Monday, Trump accused John Kasich of eating like a starved barbarian, which is also—I’m so sorry, universe—kind of true. “Now you look at Kasich,” Trump hollered to the crowd at a recent Rhode Island rally. “Did you see him? He has a news conference all the time when he’s eating. I have never seen a human being eat in such a disgusting fashion…He’s pushing it in, we’ve never seen a guy eat like this!”

    The crowd, if you’ll pardon my pun, completely ate this up.

  • “This guy takes a pancake and he shoves it in his mouth!” Trump yell-bellowed. “It’s disgusting! Do you want that for your president? I don’t think so. I don’t think so.”
  • *********************
    Uncouthness is a trait of Donald Trump, but he is not inobservant!
  • Who among us would not hold a certain joy at the prospect of Lena Dunham, Rosie
    O’Donnell, Cher, Roseanne Barr and a long list of other insufferable leaving the country, never to be seen again?
    Likewise, who hasn’t had a stomach churning experience watching Kasich make a speech, much less doing so with his mouth crammed with regional foodstuffs? 
  • So, on a night that won’t be much fun for those not enamored with Trump, a little levity seemed appropriate!

Categories: General, Humor & Satire, Political

Tags: , , ,

2 replies

  1. Now there’s a person who knows how to find the silver lining! (Hey Ladies! Don’t let the door hit ya!)

    I’m just a little offended that Cruz isn’t getting the same promise.


  2. Well, as much as I DON’T want to see Donald Trump as POTUS, one positive byproduct would be getting rid of Lena, Rosie, Cher, and Roseanne. That may be the ONLY positive aspect of a Trump presidency. It is hard to accept that Trump actually (voluntarily) made two truthful statements in two days. I expect that it was an aberration, a slip of the lip and he was probably not even aware that he actually told two truths.


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