Obama’s Missing Words [satire]

At Pesky Truth, we have always been very interested in what president Obama has to say. Over the last six years, evidence shows that he doesn’t always mean what he says or do what he says he will do. In other words, we have become very suspicious of his statements.

We listen carefully to his words and try to read between the lines to understand what he really means when he gives a speech or issues a prepared statement.

Truth be told, we’ve been skeptical about his statements and promises since shortly after he burst on the national political scene. There were so many inconsistencies in his biography and his campaign statements that caution flags were raised and we began to follow his career more closely.

Examining his speeches has been part of our review since we first started tracking him and we do it as a service to our conservative brethren across the country.

During an examination a few months ago, we stumbled upon a speech aberration, one that had previously escaped notice. It’s not an impediment, but a change in the pitch of his voice to vocalize selected words in an infrasonic (sub hearing) range. Initially, we thought that it was some anomaly, just some combination of conditions that coupled with Obama’s specific voice that day, caused some of his words to be spoken, but not heard. We didn’t think that it was caused by some conscious control, but we learned later that it is something that the president can do at will – and he takes advantage of that unusual ability.

This is not unknown to science. While humans may be unaware, peacocks carry on their conversations in an infrasonic range, as do many other animals. New recordings reveal that male peacocks showing off their feathers make deep rumbling sounds that are too low pitched for humans to hear. This is apparently similar to the technique used by the president to utter words that escape human hearing (and thereby, transcripts as well).

Our crack scientists were aware that ordinary humans’ eardrums aren’t energized at the low frequencies emitted during the episodes of infrasonic speaking (for most people, the eardrums don’t vibrate appreciably below 20 hz.) and at 15 hz., with no vibrations, no sound is heard. The surprise is that a human (any human) can speak in that infrasonic range.

Once the cutoff point was verified, our lab began processing Obama’s speeches by electronically bringing the infrasonic audio up to the same level as the sonic audio and merged them into a combined capture of the full audio range of the speech.

We’ve discovered that when Obama pauses or “ummms” that’s a signal that he is “speaking” in his infrasonic voice, so be very wary.

While our findings have been submitted to the Journal of Auditory Anomalies for peer review, a preview of our report is presented here to enlighten the general public.

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Here’s our first example: On May 17^th in Baltimore, MD, in remarks to employees of a factory that makes digging and pumping equipment for the mining industry president Obama said,

“We’re now poised for progress, but our work is not done and our focus cannot drift.”

But a recording of his comments revealed that he’d actually said more than people heard. The “hidden” words were said in his infrasonic voice, where those words were sonically below the range of human hearing. Those infrasonic words are shown in red in our composite transcript.

What he really said was, “We’re now poised for progress [towards socialism], but our work is not done and our focus cannot drift [back to traditional, constitutional government].”

Imagine our surprise! He was actually saying what conservatives had been accusing him of doing all along – moving the U.S. away from our capitalistic Constitutional Republic and towards a Europe-lite socialistic country!

He followed that with, “We’ve got to stay focused on our economy and putting people back to work and raising wages and bringing manufacturing back to the United States of America,” at least that’s what people thought he said.

But what was actually said was, “We’ve got to stay focused on [redistributing the wealth in] our economy and putting people back to work [in union jobs] and raising [union] wages and bringing [unionized] manufacturing back to the United States of America.”

“That has to be what we’re thinking about every single day,” Obama supposedly said.

But what he really said was, “That has to be what we’re thinking [and scheming] about every single day, [when I’m not otherwise occupied with vacationing, golfing, or schmoozing with Beyonce and Jay-Z].”

People heard him say, “Others may get distracted by chasing every fleeting issue that passes by,” Obama said. “But the middle class will always be my No. 1 focus. Period. Your jobs, your families and your communities.”

But when the recording is analyzed, here is what he really said, “Others may get distracted by chasing every fleeting issue that passes by,” Obama said. “But [controlling] the middle class will always be my No. 1 focus. Period. [Controlling] Your jobs, [controlling] your families and [organizing] your communities.”

Holy Obfuscation, Batman!

That means that when Obama maintains that he was speaking the truth in his speeches, in his promises – he was right!

A lie detector test would have shown him to be speaking honestly and that he believed every word he spoke.

Now we know why.

So we ordinary humans are apparently not yet evolved enough to hear all of what he is saying – does that mean that it’s ok for him to take advantage of our “disability”? When did this start? How many of his speeches contain these treasonous statements?

We’re not yet sure. We’re investigating that by going back to analyze some of his older speeches.

For example, the following are remarks taken from a speech given by president Obama at Cairo University in June of 2009. First, we present what was heard by those in attendance, followed by the transcript of what he really said. We should note that an “augmented” transcript was passed out at the event and it included the red infrasonic words not actually heard in the auditorium:

“Now, much has been made of the fact that an African American with the name Barack Hussein Obama could be elected President. But my personal story is not so unique. The dream of opportunity for all people has not come true for everyone in America, but its promise exists for all who come to our shores — and that includes nearly 7 million American Muslims in our country today who, by the way, enjoy incomes and educational levels that are higher than the American average.”

An analysis of the audio recording of the speech once again finds that those pesky additional infrasonic words that escaped human perception are present. Here’s what he really said:

“Now, much has been made of the fact that an African American [Muslim] with the name Barack Hussein Obama could be elected President. But my personal story is not so unique [it’s much like any other prophet]. The dream of opportunity for all people has not come true for everyone in America [black people are still being shot, hanged and dragged behind cars], but its promise exists for all who come to our shores — and that includes nearly 7 million American Muslims in our country today who, by the way, enjoy [EBT cards, healthcare, and cellphones from me, as well as] incomes and educational levels that are higher than the [ignorant] American average.”

He went on to say, “Moreover, freedom in America is indivisible from the freedom to practice one’s religion. That is why there is a mosque in every state in our union, and over 1,200 mosques within our borders. That’s why the United States government has gone to court to protect the right of women and girls to wear the hijab and to punish those who would deny it.”

But our analysis showed that he really said this: “Moreover, freedom in America is indivisible from the freedom to practice one’s religion. That is why there is a mosque in every state in our union, and over 1,200 mosques within our borders [and, under my direction, that number will double just this year]. That’s why the United States government has gone to court to protect the right of women and girls to wear the hijab and to punish those who would deny it [and to establish sharia law as the law of the land].”

And we include one final statement to illustrate Obama’s true goals. At this point, we’ll dispense with the intact original “heard” version of the speech and just show the “composite” transcript of what was actually said:

And the real words that were spoken: “So let there be no doubt: Islam is [now an unstoppable force in America,] a part of America. And I believe that [an Islamic] America holds within her the truth that regardless of race, religion, or station in life, all of us [Muslims] share common aspirations – [to defeat the non-Muslims and] to live in peace and security; to get an education and to work with dignity; to love our families, our communities, and our God [Allah]. These things we share. This is the hope of all humanity.”

Our sources tell us that Obama’s statements constitute TREASON. We have just publicized a press release which includes our findings and a sample of the complete statements taken from one of his speeches.

Expectedly, WND, Breitbart, Drudge, and Fox News are all carrying the story. The “lame-stream” media refuses to run it and maintains that we have added our own words to Obama’s statements to make them appear as if they were “anti-American,” and that we are all racists – that’s the “expectedly” part.

Now that we’ve computerized and automated the conversion from a raw speech to a composite one, containing all of the words spoken, we’ll begin a managed release of newly converted speeches at a rate of two or three each week. That should keep the matter in the public eye for months.

And remember, you now have proof that you can’t believe your own ears when Barack Hussein Obama says something – ‘cause what you thought you heard probably ain’t what he said.

 

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Categories: Humor & Satire, Political

Tags: Obama, political satire, satire